


lover

by thereisnoreality



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, IKEA makes a cameo, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Semi-Public Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, renhyuck have a cat named Sir Fat Cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:15:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnoreality/pseuds/thereisnoreality
Summary: “I love you,” Donghyuck breathes because it is true. No matter how far away Renjun has seemed in the last few months, no matter how much he has made Donghyuck hurt for him, Donghyuck will always love him, just like this, hard and aching, endless and endless and endless. “I love you so much, I feel-” he takes a shuddering breath, feeling punch drunk, like he could jump into the air and never come down, like he’s falling and falling all over again for the beautiful boy in front of him. “I love you, Jun-ah.”“I love you too,” Renjun whispers and his eyes are glossy all of a sudden. “I love you so, so much it scares me sometimes.” He leans up, pressing their foreheads together and Donghyuck’s eyes flutter shut.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 80
Kudos: 492





	lover

**Author's Note:**

> fluff? from ao3 user thereisnoreality? inconveivable.
> 
> alternate title was: Sir Fat Cat and the Five (5) Months He Had to Watch Two (2) Idiots Pine (Despite Dating for Seven (7) Years)
> 
> all the love to my beta who i bother so much and who still has so much patience with me ^^ <3 
> 
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1OqoECilQBNz0bGStYm3kR?si=ltQSKgM0TRSV4xkkROAi0g)

Donghyuck wakes to an empty bed.

The sun is shining through the thin gauzy curtains they’d found at IKEA and had spent the better part of a day trying to put into place, and in the distance, there is the faint smell of bacon and the sound of someone singing. Donghyuck casts a bleary eye at the empty side of the bed, where Sir Fat Cat sits atop the unoccupied pillow, staring at him with his big blue eyes. He yawns, little teeth poking out of his mouth when Donghyuck meets his gaze, and then pads forward to paw at Donghyuck’s arm firmly.

“All right, all right, I’m getting up,” Donghyuck grumbles, pushing off the blankets and sliding off the bed. He was intending on doing so anyway, as there was a heavy insistence in his bladder, but Sir Fat Cat was known to be impatient with dawdlers in bed.

The mysterious source of bacon and the singing becomes clear when Donghyuck pads out into the living room, squinting into the bright light.

“Why are the curtains open?” He mumbles as he walks into the kitchen, leaning against the counter top.

“Because I thought it’d be nice to not live in a dark cave for once,” Renjun says archly, turning around to look at him. His expression melts into amusement when he catches sight of Donghyuck’s half-asleep demeanour. He drops the spatula into the pan and laughs, holding out his arms. Donghyuck stumbles into his hold and noses into the curve of Renjun’s shoulder, whining as he wraps his arms loosely around Renjun’s waist.

“You look like a tumbleweed,” Renjun laughs, hand stroking at the fluff of Donghyuck’s hair. “Did you just wake up?”

“Mmm,” Donghyuck hums in content, leaning his weight fully onto Renjun, making the two of them stumble against the counter, Renjun letting out a huff in protest. “You’re warm.”

“You’re cute,” Renjun responds, amusement clear in his voice. “Did you even brush your teeth yet?”

“Of course,” Donghyuck sighs, pressing his lips to Renjun’s neck. They stand there for a minute, wrapped up in each other, the sound of birds clear outside the open window.

“The bacon’s burning,” Renjun murmurs finally, and Donghyuck pulls away to stare at him, affronted.

“The love of your life is hugging you and all you can think about is bacon?” He asks incredulously.

“Yes,” Renjun says with a cheeky grin, turning back to flip the bacon before it burns. “Especially when I’ve just spent the last hour making you breakfast.”

Donghyuck starts to pout, but before he can even wake himself up enough to start whining at Renjun, Renjun leans back in to peck him on the cheek before shooing him off to wash his face.

They have breakfast in their pajamas, Sir Fat Cat curling in between their laps as they eat in the comfortable company of each other. They sit on the floor, leaning against their couch because they don’t have a table to eat at anymore, not after the last one broke after a particularly rowdy get-together with their friends, and their apartment is too small for a tall dining table. 

"Why the breakfast?" Donghyuck asks, leaning over to steal a piece of bacon from Renjun's plate, grinning cheekily at the death glare Renjun shoots him. "You hate getting up on the weekends."

Renjun places his chopsticks carefully down on the tray and sends Donghyuck a sweet smile. "I wanted to do something nice for you."

Donghyuck pauses and sets his own chopsticks down as well. "Why?"

"What do you mean _why_?" Renjun asks, pouting. "Can't I do something nice for my boyfriend?"

"You usually don't," Donghyuck says, narrowing his eyes at him, not to be thrown off. Renjun is a sneaky, sneaky man when he wants to be, but Donghyuck refuses to let him sneak around _this_ one. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," Renjun protests. He looks down at his plate before shooting Donghyuck another brilliant smile, before saying in a rush, "Except you promised you'd come to IKEA with me today and I knew you forgot and would make up a reason to not go, so nowyou _have_ to because I woke up at the crack of _dawn_ to make you breakfast."

Donghyuck's mouth falls open and he stares at Renjun in disbelief. "I-"

Renjun pops the last of his toast into his mouth and grins. "We're leaving in thirty, babe. Get ready."

He picks up his plate and heads to the kitchen, leaving Donghyuck staring after him incredulously. Sneaky Renjun: 1, Foolish Donghyuck: 0. The crowd groans and cheers in equal measure. To add to his loss, Sir Fat Cat meows up at him in consolation before propping his head on Donghyuck's thighs to paw at the last bits of bacon on his plate.

🌆

"I hate you," Donghyuck mumbles, wrapping his coat tighter around himself.

Renjun doesn't even deign him with an answer, just laughs up at him before nudging Donghyuck against the subway pole to make way for the crush of people that flood the car when the train stops.

Donghyuck grudgingly unwraps his arms from the warm cocoon of his body to steady Renjun when the car starts moving again, jerking them into motion.

"It's cold and you're making me go out," Donghyuck whines, persistent, keeping his voice low so that they don't disturb the others crowding around them. "We could have stayed in _all_ weekend."

Renjun snorts and leans up on his tiptoes to tuck his chin over Donghyuck's shoulder, snuggling closer. An old lady sitting on the chair beside them glares disapprovingly at them, and in response, Donghyuck wraps his arms around Renjun’s waist, holding him tight and directing his gaze somewhere above the top of her head. "We've needed a table for months now and I'm not about to let you sneak another weekend past me."

"But IKEA takes _hours_."

"And that's why we're going on a weekend where we have _lots_ of time."

Donghyuck opens his mouth to whine more, but Renjun leans up and pushes one earbud into his ear. "Shush, and listen to this song I heard last week."

Donghyuck purses his lips down at him, but Renjun just smiles up at him. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are curled prettily up at him, and somehow, Donghyuck can _just_ find it in himself to forgive Renjun for dragging him out of the house on this freezing Saturday morning. It has absolutely nothing to do with how pretty Renjun is or how much of a bitch fit he would throw if Donghyuck refused to come. Not at all. 

IKEA is arguably one of Donghyuck's least favourite places on the planet. And in true fashion, because he lives to make Donghyuck's life as difficult as possible, it is one of Renjun's favourite places.

"How can you not like this?" Renjun asks over the top of a large Shiba Inu plushie hugged to his chest. He looks inexplicably adorable and Donghyuck nearly caves. He stands firm though; IKEA will not swallow him as well. "They have _everything_ here."

Donghyuck sighs. "It's too much, why does this store have to be a maze on top of all the ridiculous things they sell?" He holds up what looks like a collar made out of an IKEA bag. "Why would _anyone_ want or need this?" Sir Fat Cat might just run away in horror if they ever brought this home.

Renjun drops the plushie back into the pile and rolls his eyes. "Come on, grumpy. I want to get the table picked out before you start whining about lunch."

"See, that _is_ the only good thing about this hellish store," Donghyuck relents, jogging to catch up with Renjun as he weaves the cart expertly through the crowd. "At least they have food."

Renjun snorts. "You're such a baby."

Donghyuck loops their arms together, tucking his chin over Renjun's shoulder as they frogmarch through the store together. “Your baby,” Donghyuck murmurs, pleased when Renjun just hums indulgently at him and pats his cheek with a sweater covered hand.

They pass through the kitchen area and Donghyuck doesn't miss the way Renjun's eyes flit over the gleaming marble countertops, almost in longing. Their kitchen at home isn't small or anything, but a one bedroom apartment was only going to have so much. And they still struggled with the bills sometimes after having moved from a one room studio to their current, larger place.

"You want?"

Renjun startles, turning to look at Donghyuck. His expression clears when he meets Donghyuck's knowing gaze. "No," he laughs, brushing a hand over the sleek white counter. "Where would we even get the space for something like this. Let alone the money?"

Donghyuck shrugs, wrapping his arms around Renjun's waist. "We could get a house, or a bigger apartment, given that we live in Seoul and neither one of us has plans to become filthy rich any time soon."

Renjun's gaze sharpens. "And why would we do that?" He teases, drawing them away from the kitchens, following the yellow arrows to the next area, nudging the cart along with him. Donghyuck doesn’t know why he even bothered with bringing one they’re only here to buy a table after all.

Donghyuck pretends to think about it. "I don't know, why would we?" He asks, leadingly.

Renjun smirks up at him. "If you can't think of any reason, then I guess, neither can I."

(They have a tiny fight over the coffee table because IKEA is a demonic place meant to destroy couples and happy families.

"This is too low," Renjun protests. "We actually use our couch! How are we supposed to use this?"

"This is the perfect height," Donghyuck insists. "Do you even remember the measurements we took months ago?"

Renjun straightens to scowl at him. "If you had come with me _months_ ago like I'd asked, then we wouldn't be having this argument."

Donghyuck throws his hands up in the air. "I don't know why you wanted me here in the first place when you clearly knew what you wanted."

The argument continues like that until they finally, out of exasperation, decide to flip a coin for it.

Renjun wins, because of course he does.)

Lunch is loud and crowded.

There are families and couples and kids running around, and Donghyuck nearly drops the food three times as he tries to make his way over to the corner table Renjun had miraculously found for them.

"There you are," Renjun says, looking up from his phone. "I thought you'd gotten lost." He smiles down at a kid running by them, her light up sneakers flashing under her pink dress. "Or eaten by a child."

"Nearly both," Donghyuck agrees easily, setting down the trays on the table. Renjun pulls his sleeves down over his hands automatically as he reaches for the spoon. Donghyuck leans over and folds his sleeves up for him before he can get them in the soup. "You're going to stain your sleeves,” he chides. 

Renjun just pushes out his lips in a devastatingly cute way before pushing one of the rice bowls over to Donghyuck and taking the other one for himself. They split the kimchi jjigae between the two of them, easily talking about the upcoming week. Renjun works at the city library and Donghyuck as a vocal instructor at a mid level entertainment company - neither of them make a lot of money but they also don’t have very hectic schedules, which they’re thankful for.

“Jaemin’s asking when we’re coming over again,” Renjun says, glancing at his phone as it lights up again. “Apparently Jeno’s become insufferable.”

Donghyuck laughs at him. “You’ve made a puppy your best friend, not a human.”

“How is he always _my_ friend when he’s whiny?” Renjun asks, making a face that Donghyuck doesn’t take seriously in the slightest. “Are you free this week?”

“I should be,” Donghyuck shrugs. “Friday or Thursday would be good, though.”

“I have to stay late at work on Thursday,” Renjun sighs. “We’re fixing the order of the books on the third floor. Maybe next week?”

Donghyuck makes a face. “Again? You must have done that like three time already.”

“Again,” Renjun agrees, exhaustion evident in his tone. 

Donghyuck hums. “I’ll be right back.” He pushes back from the table, expertly avoiding the gaggle of toddlers running in a circle in the center of the room and gets back in the line for food. 

Renjun’s confused expression clears when he sees what Donghyuck brings back to the table. “Are you serious?” He laughs. “Why?”

“There’s never a bad time for cake,” Donghyuck says staunchly, setting the frankly obscenely large piece of chocolate cake between them and handing Renjun a clean fork. “And you deserve it, what with the third time you’re reshelving.”

Renjun smiles at him, and through a mouthful of cake, says, “I knew there was a reason I started dating you.”

They get home around three in the afternoon, having battled the subway once again, balancing the coffee table between their legs whilst getting many dirty looks from the other subway goers for taking up as much space as they do. 

When they finally get it up the three flights of stairs to their apartment - the elevator had been broken for a month and it didn’t seem like it was going to be repaired any time soon - Renjun collapses onto the couch with a groan and Donghyuck follows him seconds later. 

“I think that’s it,” Donghyuck pants, his limbs burning with the exertion. “That’s my exercise for this month.”

Renjun huffs out a tired laugh. “Like you’d ever exercise otherwise.” There’s a beat of silence, and then Renjun levers himself into an upright position and stares down at the cardboard-covered box, a determined look on his face. “We should fix this.”

Donghyuck groans out loud and, somehow, finds it in himself to push up off the couch, just long enough to drop down on Renjun, blanketing his body with his own and pushing him back down onto the couch until they’re both horizontal, Renjun staring up at Donghyuck with an exasperated gaze.

“No moving,” Donghyuck pronounces before Renjun can say anything and presses his face into the curve of Renjun’s neck. Renjun always smells so good, even if he’s sweating from carrying a heavy table up three flights of stairs; like wildflowers after rain, and the spicy warm scent of his cologne. “Not for the rest of the day.”

Renjun shivers at the press of Donghyuck’s lips against his neck and Donghyuck smiles, victorious. “You’re just going to keep lying on top of me for the whole day?” Renjun asks incredulously. 

“Or until you give up on this foolish task,” Donghyuck mutters, picking his head up to press an open kiss to the arc of Renjun’s jaw. He pauses for a second, letting Renjun feel the imprint before moving up across his cheek, down to his lips where he stops moving, pressing faint little pecks to the bow of Renjun’s upturned lips. Renjun shivers again and his hands clench in the thick fabric of Donghyuck’s sweatshirt. He arches up to meet Donghyuck’s mouth, transitioning the easy kisses to something deeper, slower.

“Hyuck,” Renjun starts, faint and low, but Donghyuck kisses him again before he can say any more. Renjun has an infuriating talent for making Donghyuck do what he wants just by his words; if Donghyuck simply just doesn’t let him talk, then he won’t get his way. He tilts his head, opening his mouth and slowly pressing deeper against Renjun’s mouth. 

Renjun sighs, and Donghyuck’s body automatically mirrors it, going fully lax against his own will, relaxing into Renjun’s hold, into the feel of his body against Donghyuck’s. “You’re such a distraction,” Renjun sighs against his mouth. His tone is warm though and Donghyuck revels in it.

He hums. “That’s all I ever wanted to be,” Donghyuck murmurs with a smile. 

Renjun’s hand comes up to cup his jaw as he kisses him again, letting his thighs slide open so that Donghyuck can fit more comfortably in between them. “We’re fixing that damn table tomorrow,” he mumbles.

Donghyuck slides his hand up Renjun’s shirt, grinning when Renjun fully shivers at Donghyuck’s cold hand. Donghyuck laughs. “Whatever you say, baby.”

🌆

Donghyuck texts Renjun during his lunch break. The kids around him scatter, some to practice more, some to scarf down whatever food they can before the next test starts. 

“Don’t sing during the break,” he calls after them. “You’ll strain your voices!”

The slam of the practice door greets his words. 

**you**

are we still on for dinner tonight?

bhc?

**honeybear**

uhh

i think something might have come up?

**you**

honeybear why ＞﹏＜

**honeybear**

i keep telling you to take off that stupid nickname

its horrendous

**you**

never

why 

what do you have for me ^^

**honeybear**

Lee Donghyuck (Roommate)

**you**

you wound me honeybear T_T

is it work?

i’ll fight those ahjummas ￣へ￣

**honeybear**

you’re not fighting anyone, you’d die

especially if you try to fight my coworkers

im sorry baby

… or should i say sugarplum

**you**

you really DO love me ヾ(^▽^*)))

**honeybear**

against my better judgement 

Donghyuck gets back from work sometime past six. It feels weird to step into an empty apartment, without Renjun’s cooking or his singing greeting him at the door. Sir Fat Cat greets him at the door with a petulantly loud meow and Donghyuck stares down at him before remembering. 

“Oh my baby,” he coos, quickly pulling off his shoes and trading them for house slippers before rushing over to the cat food. “I’m so sorry, we forgot all about you today, didn’t we?” Sir Fat Cat loudly voices his agreement and twines around Donghyuck’s ankles again and again like a particularly furry infinity sign while he waits for Donghyuck to feed him. Donghyuck barely pulls the cup away after filling the bowl before he lunges for the food, eating at a remarkably fast pace. Donghyuck squats down beside him and slowly pats his back, trying to silently encourage him to go slower. “We don’t want you choking again,” he murmurs to the entirely occupied cat. 

It’s weird spending a night in their apartment without Renjun. Donghyuck can barely remember the times in college, before they’d met, and even for a few months after they’d started dating, when he’d come home to an empty room and be blessedly happy with the silence and solitude. Now, after seven years with Renjun, it was hard to cope alone for more than a few hours. 

Donghyuck shakes himself out of the strange melancholy that had suddenly overtaken him and heads to the kitchen to make dinner. He and Renjun had agreed upon fried chicken for the night, but if Renjun was working late, Donghyuck wanted to at least make him a proper home cooked meal instead of fried greasy food. Neither of them exercised enough to make up for it and they were actually getting _old_ these days. It was both horrifying and mildly entertaining to wake up after a night of heavy drinking and realise that _yes_ , they were both confined to the toilet for the first few hours, and then their bedroom, with the curtains tightly drawn for the next few. And that after a heavy dinner, they almost immediately felt sleepy. Or even that, now, well into their twenties, they were considering adopting another pet. Though neither Renjun nor Donghyuck were sure how Sir Fat Cat, an adopted stray himself, would react to another animal in his presence. 

Donghyuck wipes his oily hands on a kitchen towel and texts Renjun. 

**you**

we should get another pet

i think Sir Fat Cat is getting lonely 

There’s no response from Renjun but Donghyuck hadn’t expected there to be one. He sets his phone back down and turns back to finish cooking dinner. Sir Fat Cat, still annoyed at having been left alone for an hour longer than usual, doesn’t accompany Donghyuck as he sits down on the floor, setting the food on the newly constructed coffee table. Dinner is a quiet affair, with an old drama running on Donghyuck’s laptop and Sir Fat Cat loudly ignoring him. 

By the time the clock ticks to eleven, Renjun still hasn’t come home and a whorl of worry starts to curl up in Donghyuck’s chest. He texts him again, pressing his lips tightly together and trying not to think about all the reasons Renjun could be late.

**honeybear**

im on my way

go sleep baby

Donghyuck stares down at the text before sighing and levering himself to his feet, relief flooding his veins. At least Renjun isn’t lying in a ditch somewhere, half dead. The food is already packaged and waiting for Renjun in the fridge, though Donghyuck doubts he’ll eat this late. He has to be up by six, so he heads to bed, at least determined to stay awake until Renjun comes home. 

It barely works. Just as he’s about to drift off, he hears the front door beep open. 

Donghyuck forces himself to stay awake until there’s a dip in the bed and Renjun’s leaning against him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “So late,” Donghyuck murmurs, turning around in Renjun’s arms. Renjun’s smells like the cold winter night and his favourite cleanser, and when Donghyuck blinks up at him, bleary and half asleep, he sees his exhaustion mirrored on Renjun’s face, only it’s two fold in its intensity. He cups Renjun’s face. “You look so tired,” he murmurs worriedly.

“Mmm,” Renjun sighs. “I’m okay now.”

“Did you eat?” 

Renjun shakes his head, eyes slipping shut. “Not hungry.”

Donghyuck frowns at him but doesn’t argue against it. He sighs and presses his face into Renjun’s neck, kissing the cool skin there. “Go to sleep, baby. You need your rest.”

Renjun’s arms tighten around him for a second before he relaxes. Just as Donghyuck is about to fall into the hold of sleep, he hears Renjun murmur, “We’re not getting a dog. Sir Fat Cat will throw an absolute fit.”

Donghyuck smiles before he’s drifting away and gone, gone, gone. 

🌆

Renjun’s demanding schedule continues for the rest of the week and the following one. He doesn’t offer anything beyond “library stuff” and Donghyuck doesn’t push. He knows how much of a nightmare the director of the library can be. Renjun’s come home raging more than once at his inadequacy and apathy to the central library he’s supposed to oversee. 

But on Friday, the night they’re supposed to meet Jeno and Jaemin and all their other friends for dinner, Renjun isn’t home. 

“We were supposed to leave at six,” Donghyuck says, nudging Sir Fat Cat out of the way with a socked foot so he can get at the large money plant in the corner with the watering can. They might not have enough space for a TV or a dining table, but they sure as hell have over twenty different plants scattered around their apartment. The apartment is starting to resemble a miniature botanical garden at this point. “You’re already running late.”

There’s a tired sigh on the other side. “I know,” Renjun murmurs. He sounds exhausted beyond reproach and Donghyuck’s heart hurts at hearing it. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave as soon as I can, baby. They’re throwing the budgeting issues on us now and we need to figure out where we’re going to get money for all these student programs.”

Donghyuck hums, the worry increasing. “Okay,” he says instead because any argument he has to make right now is not going to help Renjun. “I’ll meet you there?”

“Yeah.” Renjun sighs in acquiescence and hangs up.

It’s been a while since Donghyuck and his friends have met.

During college, they used to spend nearly every waking hour together, if classes and midterms didn’t stand in their way. But graduation has a way of extending the close bonds, far, far enough, that they're lucky if they can all meet up once every few weeks.

Jaemin greets him at the door with a wide grin and Donghyuck forgets all about Renjun in that moment, getting swept up in his friend's tight embrace.

"Stop hugging him in the cold," comes a voice from behind them. "We have a perfectly good house for this very reason."

Donghyuck peels away to see Yangyang standing in the hallway, eyebrow arched in exasperation at the two of them. "Jaemin braves the cold for _me_ ," Donghyuck says haughtily and Yangyang barks out a laugh.

Jaemin rolls his eyes at the two of them, ushering Donghyuck in as another blast of frigid winter air just hits them. "Renjun texted us he’d be late," he says, taking Donghyuck's coat from him and leading him to the living room. All the others are there already - it's Donghyuck who's the latest - and he nudges Chenle's shoulder in greeting, getting a distracted half wave for his troubles, as Chenle doesn't look away from the video Jisung is showing him. "Is he okay?"

"Work has been killing him," Donghyuck sighs, dropping down on the couch, just as Jeno enters the living room, his face brightening when he sees Donghyuck. "I barely see him anymore."

"Who don't you see?" Jeno asks, collapsing down next to Donghyuck. He immediately wraps an arm around his shoulder in greeting and Donghyuck leans into it. He's missed Jeno; it's been far too long since they last saw each other.

"His better half," Yangyang tosses over his shoulder as he walks back into the kitchen with Jaemin.

"Ah." Jeno's face does something complicated, and before Donghyuck can parse it out or even begin to interrogate him, the doorbell rings again, bringing Mark.

The night passes in a bright, happy haze. It's been forever since Donghyuck has seen all his friends in the same place like this - usually he meets one or two of them for lunch, but it's always a joy to be together. The only shame is that Renjun isn't there.

Donghyuck glances down at his phone for something like the twentieth time that night and when he looks up, picking up his wine glass again, he meets Jaemin's gaze, sharp and knowing.

"What's wrong?" Jaemin murmurs when he comes over to settle by Donghyuck, shooing Jeno off to Mark's side. "It's only one night, you know. You can survive that long without Renjun, can't you?"

Donghyuck scowls halfheartedly at him, and Jaemin twitches a smile at him. "It's not that," Donghyuck sighs, glancing at his phone again reflexively as it chimes.

**honeybear**

i won't make it tonight 

tell the terrible trio im sorry

Donghyuck sighs again and holds his phone up so Jaemin can see.

"It's a compliment that he refers to us like that," Jaemin says, nose in the air.

"Jeno is an angel," Donghyuck pronounces, and going by the grin Jeno shoots at him, he heard him, even all the way across the room. "He just gets sucked into you and Yangyang's schemes."

"Schemes," Jaemin repeats, affronted. "We do not _scheme_."

"Oh, please," Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "How many times were you two in the Dean's office? In that one semester, you remember, you two-"

"That was a misunderstanding," Jaemin cuts him off with an outraged noise, and the rest of the night devolves into reminiscing about their college years, arguing about who got in the most and Donghyuck laughs harder than he has in weeks.

At the end of the night, Donghyuck takes the subway home. Jeno, the only sober one, offers to drive him multiple times but Donghyuck waves him off. 

“Go cuddle your boyfriends,” he says, throwing an arm around Jeno’s shouler and hugging him goodbye as he shoves his feet haphazardly into his shoes. “They’re insufferable without you around.” 

“Don’t I know it,” Jeno responds with a grin. He clumsily pats at Donghyuck’s head. “Don’t be too hard on Renjun, okay? He’s doing his best.”

Donghyuck scrunches his face up at him in confusion, his drunken brain trying to parse out the words, but before he can even bother trying, Jeno smiles sweetly at him and hugs him goodbye.

Donghyuck’s more than a little tipsy, but there's no way he can afford the twenty minute taxi ride, especially at this time of night. Luckily, the subways are still running so at least he has that choice. He texts Renjun, not wanting to bother him if he's already asleep but there's no answer.

When he gets back to the apartment, it's quiet and dark. Renjun's asleep on his side of the bed, tightly curled up under the blankets, his face small and exhausted. Donghyuck stares down at him for a few beats, before carefully drawing the blanket up around Renjun's shoulders and going to brush his teeth.

Renjun doesn't stir when Donghyuck slides into bed beside him and Donghyuck gazes at him for a while longer, taking in the curve of his jaw, his long lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his eyebrows drawn in together as he frowns in his sleep and sighs, heart aching with something he can hardly describe.

He presses a careful kiss to Renjun's shoulder before following him off into sleep.

🌆

"Should we really do this?"

Renjun stifles a yawn and Donghyuck shoots him a worried look, but before he can say anything, Renjun shakes his head, straightening. "No, we're not _not_ doing this again. We said we were going to do it and we need to stick to our convictions."

Donghyuck turns to stare through the glass window. "This is a rather... expensive conviction though. And like, kind of life-long."

"Jeno said he would give us a discount."

"And the life-long bit?"

Both of them turn to stare at the one-eyed tabby kitten sitting in her pen, staring at them, unblinking as she viciously kneads the pink blanket she's nestled on.

"She's adorable," Renjun sighs. "I'm kind of okay with being chained to her for the rest of our lives for that face.”

"She looks like she's going to murder us in our sleep," Donghyuck observes contemplatively, ignoring the faint _whoosh_ of happiness that curls through him when Renjun says _our lives._ The cat bares her teeth at him.

"So did Sir Fat Cat when you first found him."

They both stare at the cat again in silence, before the door opens.

"So." Jeno comes in, pulling on gloves and grins at them, his eyes crinkling up behind his mask. "Are you going to take her?"

Donghyuck tips his head to look at Renjun, a silent question in his eyes. Renjun shrugs and turns to Jeno. "Yeah, fuck it, let's get another cat."

Odin settles marvelously into her new home. Sir Fat Cat, at first, doesn't know what to do with a tiny new presence in his territory and hesitantly tries to shoo her off, but after a few well-placed swipes from either party, and a lot of stern scoldings from Renjun and Donghyuck that neither cat listens to, they make their peace with each other.

Renjun had named her this time around, and when Donghyuck had protested that he should be allowed a fair say in the matter, Renjun had shot him a nasty look. "I'm not ending up with another name like Sir Fat Cat," He’d hissed, curling his arms protectively around Odin, who glared at Donghyuck as if she could understand Renjun. "That is a horrible name."

"It's _funny_ ," Donghyuck had protested. Sir Fat Cat had been a malnourished scrap of ratty fur and bones, barely weighing anything, when Donghyuck had found him huddled inside an overturned trash, and the name was, in his eyes anyway, perfect. "You just have no taste."

But Renjun hadn't wavered and even Donghyuck had to admit, as he watches Odin bunch up her tiny body and leap at his leg, clinging to his jeans by mere force and tiny claw power alone, that the name more than suited her.

🌆

Sundays are inexplicably Donghyuck's favourite day. He and Renjun have a firm, unshakable rule that Sundays are lazy days; they don't leave the house, they don't think about their work life, and they don't do anything but lie around all day and eat and nap and cuddle. Donghyuck loves Sundays.

But today...

The apartment is quiet today. Renjun had left early in the morning, claiming work, and thus here Donghyuck sits, very Renjun-less and not as content as he'd like to be.

Sir Fat Cat meows at him from the coffee table, but Donghyuck doesn't move from his position on the couch. He doesn't know what to do about this situation they're in. Renjun's work doesn't seem to have let up, and whenever Donghyuck tries to bring it up, Renjun just brushes him off.

"Should I go see him?" He wonders out loud. Beside him, Odin startles at the sound of his voice and glares accusingly at him, packing a fiercer look into one eye than most can do with two. It's a silly idea; there's nothing Donghyuck can do other than sit at one of the tables by Renjun's desk and read, and it'll be even less ideal if Renjun's stuck in the backroom. But once the idea has rooted into his head, he can't stop thinking about it.

Finally, after lunch and feeding the cats, he gathers his coat, wallet, and the lunch he’d packed for Renjun, glances at the weather app to check whether he should take his umbrella before leaving the apartment, carefully shutting the door behind him as Sir Fat Cat and Odin pause in their meals to watch him go.

The library Renjun works at is one of the prettiest places Donghyuck has ever seen. It's big and vast with thousands upon thousands of books, but Donghyuck's sure the only reason he likes libraries at all is because of the memories he and Renjun shared in those places.

Sometime around their third year, Renjun had gotten a student job at one of the libraries on campus and Donghyuck had spent a lot of his free time hanging around Renjun's desk and shamelessly flirting with him much to the horror of his coworkers and the tired students around them.

One day, Donghyuck had managed to corner Renjun in the back corner of the archaeology section, pushing him against the heavy shelf.

"Donghyuck, I'm working," Renjun hissed, glancing over his shoulder with wide eyes.

"You've been asleep at your desk for the last hour," Donghyuck said easily, and pinned Renjun there before he could try and push Donghyuck away. "This is the first time you've actually done something all shift." An easy grin curled over his mouth. "I thought I'd do something to help you get through the rest of it." He pressed a kiss to the curve of Renjun's upturned lips, pleased when Renjun had returned it, licking deep into Donghyuck's mouth. Donghyuck kept going, hands slowly travelling down the length of Renjun's slinky body until Renjun had sighed against him, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck's waist and pulled his body flush against his own.

"Baby," Renjun whispered against his mouth, helpless, fond. Donghyuck tried not to shiver at it. "I should go."

"I think of doing something much, _much_ better than that," Donghyuck had said, low with intent. And he had slowly dropped to his knees, looking up at Renjun through his lashes. 

"You're so infuriating," Renjun groaned, staring down at him but he hadn’t pushed Donghyuck away, his hands instead clenching in Donghyuck's hair while he’d slowly unzipped Renjun's jeans. Renjun didn't look away and Donghyuck didn't either, as he traced over the line of Renjun's cock, feeling it stiffen under his fingers, watching the way Renjun's eyes darkened, the way his chest fell and rose heavier, quicker.

"You're so pretty," is all Donghyuck had said back before he'd fit the head of Renjun's cock between his lips, looking up at Renjun full of intent.

Renjun's lips were parted, tiny pants escaping him from the effort of trying to be quiet, his hands clenched in Donghyuck's hair tightening harder, trying to keep still.

Donghyuck pulled off to smile for a second, tracing down the side of his cock with his tongue and Renjun let out a whimper, too loud, too ragged, before he'd slapped a hand over his mouth, staring down at Donghyuck, eyes wide, cheeks starting to stain with pink and red. 

Donghyuck forced himself not to smile. "Are you good to keep going?"

Renjun dropped his hand. "Don't you _dare_ fucking stop,” he’d hissed, a blush high on his face and lips kiss bitten. 

Donghyuck had smiled then, before he'd slid his lips back over the head of Renjun's cock and laved his tongue on the underside, making Renjun shudder. It had taken very little from there on. Well into their second year of dating, Donghyuck had figured, very easily, exactly the way to make Renjun break down for him - even when they were in public. Renjun made a low noise in the back of his throat when Donghyuck swallowed around him. His cock was heavy and thick in his mouth and Donghyuck had sucked harder, pushing Renjun against the shelf when his hips jerked up into the air, threatening to choke Donghyuck.

"You feel so fucking good," Renjun had rasped, as his fingers clawed into Donghyuck’s shoulder. "Hyuck, _god_."

Donghyuck had hummed around Renjun's cock, dipping his mouth lower and lower until his throat was burning and Renjun was choking on nothing, coming with a low, barely muffled groan, his hands pushing Donghyuck's head down impulsively until tears had sprung to Donghyuck's eyes while he swallowed.

"Fuck," Renjun gasped, his hands releasing Donghyuck, and in the next second, yanking him up to kiss him furiously, licking into his mouth. Donghyuck’s head was dizzy from the sudden lack of air and change in height. "God, Hyuck, you're _-_ "

"Amazing?" Donghyuck had whispered against his mouth, something in him darkening in pleasure when he realised that Renjun had licked the taste of his own come out of Donghyuck’s mouth. "The best boyfriend?"

"Don't let it go to your head," Renjun had growled back, his hands shoving down Donghyuck's pants, and stroked him off until Donghyuck was panting into the crook of Renjun's neck and coming in his hand, slumping against him while his legs turned to jelly and threatened to drop him right there.

They'd kissed until they'd both calmed down, until their breaths slowed and their hands stopped trembling. And Donghyuck, despite the place, despite what they'd done, had never truly felt more enamoured with Renjun. He had pressed a brush of a kiss to the top of his hair when Renjun had made his way back to his desk, his eyes twinkling in hidden amusement at Donghyuck; a secret just for the two of them to share.

Though, _now_ , as he steps off the bus and tips his head up to see the top of the buildings that had their hats in the clouds, he can't feel anything but worry and a very specific ache that only ever pertained to Renjun. The weather is cold and the skies are overcast with dark gray clouds and Donghyuck sighs. He should have taken his umbrella. 

Inside, the library is swarming with people despite the weather, and Donghyuck takes a moment to shed his overcoat before weaving around the crowd to the main desk. 

“Oh, Donghyuck!” Kun greets him with a slightly harried smile. There’s a gaggle of high school girls at the desk and Kun is the only worker currently there. “Give me a second, will you?” 

Donghyuck waves him off with a smile and leans against the desk, glancing around for Renjun, though he definitely can’t make out anyone in the crush of people. He waits for a couple of minutes, pulling out his phone and flicking through the pictures Jaemin had sent of his, Jeno and Yangyang’s date. Donghyuck smiles down at the half blurry shot of Yangyang batting a bug away, his face contorted into shock, Jeno doubled over in laughter in the background.

“Ah, there,” Kun breathes, settling across from Donghyuck. “What can I do for you, Donghyuck-ah?”

“Oh, it’s nothing much,” Donghyuck says, sliding his phone back into his pocket. “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy, hyung. I just wanted to know if I could see Renjun for a second? I brought him lunch.” He holds up the bag as proof.

Kun cocks his head in confusion. “Renjun? He isn’t working today, though.”

Donghyuck stares. “What? Are - are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Kun frowns at him, raking a hand through his already very disheveled hair. “He’s already worked his max shifts for the month, did you not know?” 

“No,” Donghyuck blinks, stepping away from the desk in muted shock. “No, I didn’t - I didn’t know.”

“Hmm,” Kun considers him, a worried expression starting to take over. “Well, I wouldn’t worry too much, Donghyuck. I’m sure he just forgot to tell you.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck says distantly. “Um - thank you, hyung. Really.”

“Take care of yourself,” Kun says carefully. “Both of you.”

Donghyuck just manages to shoot him a distracted smile before weaving out back through the throng of people, his mind spinning and spinning until his head starts to hurt. 

Renjun tells him everything. 

Donghyuck tells Renjun everything too. 

It’s how they work - they’re open about everything, _every_ tiny aspect of their lives, what bothers them, what works, what they’re doing - one Christmas when Renjun was off in China and Donghyuck back at home, they’d both wracked up their phone bills to the extreme by constantly texting and calling - and seven years hasn’t done anything to diminish that openness. It’s led to problems, of course, because they’re both stubborn and prone to arguing rather than walking away from the matter, but on the whole, Donghyuck likes to think they have a good relationship because of how much they share with each other.

But Renjun hadn’t told him about this. 

The library has a very strict policy on how many shifts one can work in a month long period and Renjun, as one of the senior staff, has a larger pick and it’s perfectly enough to cover their living costs. And so Donghyuck can’t imagine why he would work so much in the first half of the month and on top of that not _tell_ Donghyuck. 

He also can’t help but wonder what Renjun was hiding from him, to make him so busy all the time, to make him be away from Donghyuck _all_ the time.

He considers texting Renjun, but ultimately decides against it and heads back home. He doesn’t want to start this conversation over text. As he disembarks from the bus, it starts to drizzle. He glances up at the sky, just as a raindrop hits him on the cheek. It seems oddly appropriate for the situation. 

🌆

Renjun comes home from wor- from wherever he was - at half past eight. Donghyuck’s sitting on the couch, Sir Fat Cat in his lap, and flicking through some work reports on his laptop when the door chimes open.

“Oh,” Renjun says, seemingly surprised to see him sitting on the couch. “Hey, I didn’t expect you to be working.” He considers Donghyuck’s pajamas that he’d changed into as soon as he’d arrived home, cold from the light rain and other things. Renjun smiles faintly. “Or even upright.”

“Hey.” Donghyuck watches Renjun shake off the water from his umbrella before carefully placing it by the shoe stand, and then take off his coat. He’s damp all over and Donghyuck notices with a pang, that in the low light of hallway, his cheekbones look even more pronounced, nearly gaunt. “You’re wet.”

Renjun heaves a sigh. “God, yeah, the wind nearly ripped the umbrella from my hand when I got out of the subway." He collapses on the couch next to Donghyuck and up close Donghyuck can see the shadows under his eyes, the patch of stubble where he'd missed shaving this morning, his chapped lips. He looks at Renjun and takes him in and in that second, all the fight somehow escapes him.

Donghyuck doesn’t walk away from a fight - _especially_ not a fight with Renjun. They’re both stubborn and they like to argue and yell and _fight_ all the time. But this… His heart hurts looking at Renjun and Donghyuck - Donghyuck doesn’t want to fight him. Not now. 

Clearly, whatever it is Renjun's doing, it's exhausting him beyond belief and Donghyuck doesn't want to press on that bruise right now, even if it will hurt him, even if Renjun's _lying_ to him. Renjun tips his head onto Donghyuck's shoulder and sighs, eyes fluttering shut. His hair is damp despite the umbrella. Donghyuck smooths his fingers through it, watching and feeling how Renjun slumps into him. In that moment, he looks incredibly small and worn down. He usually never does, despite that it’s a physical fact and not an opinion, but Donghyuck always perceives him as bigger than he is, because Renjun always has had such a large presence, always been larger than life.

"I made dinner," Donghyuck murmurs at last. Renjun barely stirs, his lashes fluttering at his words.

"I'm not that hungry," Renjun sighs, his hand curling around Donghyuck’s, lacing their fingers together loosely. Donghyuck makes a disapproving noise.

"I call bullshit," he says. "I bet you didn't even eat lunch today." He knows that Renjun probably didn't, because neither of them are prone to eating out, not with their budgets. Donghyuck nudges Renjun's head up so he can make his way to the kitchen. Renjun's head pops up over the back of the sofa, watching him as he pulls out the tofu soup he had quickly thrown together when he'd gotten home. Donghyuck catches sight of him when he turns around, letting the pot simmer lowly behind him and can't hold back the smile that flowers at the adorable sight.

"You look cute," Donghyuck tells him, because even if Renjun decides he wanted to start hiding things, Donghyuck doesn't feel the same.

Renjun purses his lips but doesn't refute the statement. "What did you do all day?"

Donghyuck blinks. _I went to your job and it turns out you haven't worked there for a few days now. Are you lying to me, Jun? Are you cheating on me?_ He startles at that last thought. Honestly, it hadn't even crossed his mind that Renjun might actually be cheating on him until now. Donghyuck swallows and it burns. Fuck. How could he be this stupid? Renjun wouldn’t -

"Donghyuck?"

Donghyuck startles. Renjun’s frowning over at him, concern in those big brown eyes, and Donghyuck stares for a moment, completely lost in his mind, before he clears his throat. “Not much,” he says, turning back to the soup which has started bubbling faintly. “I worked on some monthly reports for the kids.”

Renjun smiles, but there’s clear worry still on his face that Donghyuck recognises. He doesn’t say anything to alleviate it, though, just ladles some soup in a bowl and walks around the couch to hand it to Renjun. 

"Are you okay?" Renjun asks, his forehead creasing up as Donghyuck sits down beside him, careful not to jostle Renjun so as to not spill his soup. "You're acting strange."

 _Oh, I'm the one acting strange?_ Donghyuck thinks. He doesn't say that, though, just shrugs and nudges his shoulder gently against Renjun's. "Just a little tired," he says by way of explanation, internally wincing when he realises that he's complaining about exhaustion to Renjun, who looks like _that._

To make matters _worse_ , Renjun's face crumples into more intense concern and he sets his bowl on the table - _the_ IKEA table - before turning back to Donghyuck, placing a hand to his forehead. "Are you getting sick?" Renjun questions quietly.

Donghyuck stares at him, wordless, at the way Renjun's gazing worriedly at him, his hand sliding off Donghyuck's forehead to his neck, checking there as well. This Renjun, this worried, loving man, couldn't possibly be cheating on him... Could he?

"Stop worrying so much about me," Donghyuck scolds lightly, finally pulling Renjun's hand off his neck and holding his hand in his own. " _You're_ the one working so much all the time." He strokes Renjun's hand with his thumb, trying not to sound too sad or too accusing. It's a hard line to walk, aching as much as he is with Renjun's obvious exhaustion, and battling the worry and fear that Renjun might suddenly love him less after all these years. Might not love him at _all_. "Jun-ah, you look one bad day from totally collapsing."

A look flashes over Renjun's face, but it's gone before Donghyuck can even begin to decipher it. He brushes it away and kisses Renjun's hand, letting his lips linger before pulling back. "Eat," Donghyuck says softly, sliding off the couch. "I'm going to go shower before bed."

Renjun opens his mouth to say something but Donghyuck walks away before he can. He's felt enough heartache tonight and he's not sure how much more he can handle.

🌆

**you**

can we talk?

**my number one dickwad <3**

yeah

phone call?

**you**

can we meet up?

it's important

**my number one dickwad <3**

of course, hyuckie

im free tomorrow evening?

**you**

works for me

**my number one dickwad <3**

is everything alright?

**you**

honestly

i have no fucking idea

"I think Renjun might be cheating on me."

The scone slips from Jaemin's fingers and lands on the plate with a thunk, crumbs scattering everywhere. Donghyuck follows a particularly large crumb with his eyes as it skitters off the table before being crushed under the heel of a harried cafe worker.

"What in the _world_ makes you think that?" Jaemin demands, leaning over, his hands flat on the table.

Donghyuck grimaces. He's been close friends with Jaemin for years now, even longer than he's known Renjun, and there's nothing like embarrassment between them. After all, it's hard to feel self conscious talking to Jaemin when Jaemin's looked after a hilariously drunk Donghyuck on more than one occasion and cleaned up his vomit after Donghyuck had passed out on the bathroom floor. And it's hard for Donghyuck to feel any shame about admitting his secrets to Jaemin when he'd spent most of his fourth year in university talking Jaemin down from panic after panic about trying to date "two absurdly hot guys at the same time." His words, not Donghyuck's. They’re best friends, even years after university had ended and Donghyuck doesn’t balk at telling Jaemin anything. 

“Donghyuck,” Jaemin presses. “You can tell me anything. Even if it’s… You can tell me anything.”

Donghyuck swallows. “I know,” he says, hesitating. “I just - I don’t know how to start and I don’t want to accuse him of anything because I don’t even know if it’s _true_ , but-”

“Hey,” Jaemin grabs his hand, concern clear on his face. “Hey, slow down. Take a breath.” He waits until Donghyuck follows before asking, “Why do you think he’s cheating on you?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Tell me anyway,” Jaemin says seriously. 

Donghyuck looks away, unable to meet Jaemin’s gaze. “For like the last month he’s been working all these late shifts at the library, and I didn’t think anything of it because his boss has always been an asshole but…” He takes a deep breath and continues, recounting what happened on the Sunday he’d gone down to give Renjun lunch. Jaemin listens carefully the whole time, expression unchanging. 

“That’s why you think he’s cheating? Because he’s been lying about where he’s been?” 

“That’s why I’m confused, actually,” Donghycuk sighs. “Because he looks _so_ tired all the time, Min-ah. You haven’t seen him in a while and you’d be shocked at how much he’s changed, he’s lost so much weight, his dark circles have nearly overtaken his whole face, and he looks a minute away from collapsing into exhaustion. All he does when he’s home is sleep and I can barely get him to eat because he’s so worn out. Why would someone who’s cheating look _that_ tired all the time?”

Jaemin frowns. “That doesn’t make sense.” 

“Exactly,” Donghyuck slumps against his chair. “I’m just worried and I _don’t_ think he’s cheating on me but I can’t think of any other explanation.”

“Something with his mom, maybe?” Jaemin says thoughtfully, and Donghyuck’s just _so_ grateful for him, that he’s not accusing or dismissing Donghyuck, that he’s doing his best to help. “How’s her heart?”

“She’s okay,” Donghyuck says. “We talked just last week.”

They sit in silence before Jaemin takes a breath. “Come on,” he says briskly, getting up. “Let’s go for a walk, you look like you need fresh air.”

Donghyuck pushes back from the table and follows Jaemin out of the cafe. They meander down the sidewalk in quiet contemplation before Jaemin sighs, breaking the silence.

“I’ll check with Jeno, but Donghyuck, I agree, Renjun wouldn’t cheat on you. He loves you so fucking much and I _know_ you do too.”

Donghyuck swallows. It hurts. “I know,” he says and it comes out as a whisper. That’s never been up for discussion; even if Renjun _did_ leave him, Donghyuck would still be terribly, hopelessly in love with him. “I just -” he falters, voice breaking. “I don’t know what to do, Min-ah. What do I do?” 

Jaemin’s face crumples and he pulls Donghyuck into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around him. Donghyuck hugs him back, trying not to clutch at Jaemin too tightly. “I don’t know,” Jaemin admits. “But it’ll be okay, I promise, Hyuckie. It’ll be okay.”

🌆

“Where in the world are we going?” Donghyuck groans when Jeno drags him out of bed at ass o’clock in the morning. 

“Anywhere,” Jeno says brightly, frog marching them down the street, pulling Donghyuck along with sheer strength alone. “You need to get out of the house and Renjun isn’t there to kick you out, so here I am.”

“I wouldn’t suppose you know _why_ Renjun isn’t there to kick me out of bed?” Donghyuck asks grumpily, scrubbing the still lingering sleep out of his eyes. “I know Jaemin tells you everything.”

“He does,” Jeno agrees easily. “And I know what you’re thinking.”

“Are you a mind reader now?” Donghyuck mutters snippily, that Jeno doesn’t even pretend to listen to. 

“You’re wrong, you know.”

Donghyuck eyes him, shaking his hair out of his eyes. Jeno’s grown up the most out of all their friends, Donghyuck thinks. He’s no longer the shy, cheery boy he was when Donghyuck met him at freshman orientation. He’s still shy, of course, and still ridiculously cheerful all the time, but there’s something steadier about him now. Something that’s dependable. 

“Am I?” He asks, just as they come to a stop. “Where are we?”

“Rock climbing,” Jeno says brightly, holding the door open for him. “Come on.”

“I think the fuck not,” Donghyuck says flatly, to the disapproval of a mother herding a child away from him, shooting a glare at Donghyuck as she does so. 

“I think yes,” Jeno says. “You’ve been cooped up for way too long and I want company.”

Donghyuck opens his mouth to protest but Jeno just wraps his hand around Donghyuck’s wrist and yanks him in. 

It doesn’t take a genius to realise that Donghyuck, who hasn’t exercised in years, would be awful at rock climbing. Regardless of that indisputable fact, Jeno makes him climb every wall in the place. He’s at least better than Jaemin or Yangyang, both of whom would have laughed at him while recording the whole time, but Donghyuck still wanders out of the rock climbing place an hour and a half later, utterly wiped out, his arms and legs aching. 

“If you ever show up at my door this early again, I’m setting the cats on you,” Donghyuck rasps. 

“That would be heaven,” Jeno says seriously, laughing when Donghyuck glares up at him. 

“Are you going to tell me what Renjun’s up to now?” He demands abruptly. 

Jeno doesn’t even look at him as he steers them across the crosswalk. “No,” he says easily. “It isn’t my secret to tell.”

“Is he going to break up with me?” Donghyuck asks blandly, staring at the shops as they pass. “Because I think I deserve some heads up if that’s about to happen.”

“I’m not even going to justify that with an answer,” Jeno says. “Here, this is the place I wanted to try.”

Donghyuck sighs. “Yeah, you wouldn’t, would you?” He says as they finally come to a stop outside a cafe. 

Jeno catches him before he can make his way inside and forces Donghyuck to look at him. “You need to trust Renjun,” he says quietly. 

“I do,” Donghyuck shoots back, not realising how true it is until he’s said it out loud. He blinks, catching up with himself. “I do, I trust him more than anyone else in the world.”

“Then, trust that he’s not going to hurt you,” Jeno says, a serious look in his eyes, and Donghyuck wonders at how he’s changed. Wonders if they’ve all changed just as much, if it’s just as visible as it is in Jeno. 

He wonders if it’s the same with Renjun, just that he hasn’t noticed it. If they’ve spent seven years together and Donghyuck has just adapted and changed to accept Renjun’s fit against his own, and now, that something has shifted between them, he wonders if he should have seen it coming.

🌆

Renjun is surprisingly at home when Donghyuck gets back from work early Saturday morning. He’d been at the office early to pick up some reports and check in on a trainee who’d been struggling with her sore throat before turning back home, and it’s a shock to see Renjun in the kitchen, singing along to the radio as the smell of food fills the air.

Donghyuck quietly sets his things down and leans against the entry to the kitchen, watching Renjun hop from one thing to the other, his back to Donghyuck, his voice rising prettily with the music, harmonising with ease. A smile rises unbidden to Donghyuck’s lips; it feels so strange watching Renjun like this, like the last few months never happened, like they were back to where they were before, with no doubts clouding his vision, with no constant ache at the base of his ribs. 

“I didn’t expect to see you at home,” he says finally, breaking the quiet, almost regretting it when Renjun stops singing, turning around to smile widely at Donghyuck. 

“That was quick, I expected you to be another hour at least.”

“The buses were quick,” Donghyuck shrugs, walking over to wrap his arms around Renjun as he turns back around to the egg rolls, tucking his head over Renjun’s thin shoulder. “You don’t have to work today?”

“No,” Renjun sighs, and his hand comes up to cover Donghyuck’s while he flips the egg before turning the pan off and turning in Donghyuck’s hold. “I don’t have to work extra shifts anymore.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen in surprise. “What? Really?

“Yes,” Renjun says, watching Donghyuck carefully as if he’s cautious about his reaction. 

“You mean it?” Donghyuck blurts. He sounds too eager, too undone by such simple words. “You’re not - _really_? You’re going to be home?”

Renjun’s expression softens into something devastatingly fond and his hand comes up to cradle Donghyuck’s face, thumb smoothing along his cheek. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry for these last few months, I know I worried you.”

“That’s the understatement of the fucking year,” Donghyuck says, but he’s unable to tear his eyes away from Renjun, drinking him in. There’s something different about him; he seems almost lighter, in a way, though Donghyuck supposes not running yourself ragged in mysterious tasks will do that to you.

But… But Renjun had still been lying to him. Donghyuck still doesn’t know the truth. He wonders if this is the right moment to bring it up - if he should spoil this relief, this bubble of happiness by blurting out the very thing that’s been on the forefront of his mind for months. If he should just accept Renjun coming back to him, or if he should question why _now_ when nothing seemed to have changed. He trusts Renjun - he wasn’t lying when he told Jeno that - but he also hates being left in the dark.

“Is the library functioning without you holding down the fort?” He blurts finally.

Renjun’s expression flickers before instantly smoothing out. “Yes,” he laughs instead. “Everything is perfect and I’m spending my weekends with _you_ from now on.” Donghyuck nearly flinches at the words. Everything is clearly _not_ perfect. How good of a liar is Renjun? Has he always been this way?

“And on that note,” Renjun says, leaning up to press a short kiss against Donghyuck’s mouth before pulling away and grabbing a container. “I am taking you on a date.”

“A date?” Donghyuck echoes and only then does he notice the containers of food sitting on the other end of the stove, piled high and full. “A picnic?”

Renjun flashes him a smile. “At the beach,” he says. “Go get dressed.”

Despite Donghyuck’s misgivings about still being in the dark when it came to Renjun, it was very hard to remember that when they finally pulled up to the cliffs by the sea. It’s nearing December and the weather is absolutely freezing but it’s hardly windy. Bundled up in their coats and sweaters as they were, it was hard to feel cold. 

Renjun’s face lights up when they disembark their rental car, food and blankets in their hand, and Donghyuck’s heart jumps at it. It was silly, almost pathetic, how easily Renjun’s happiness made him feel joy. How much he’d longed to see that contentment on Renjun’s face again, unmarred by exhaustion and pain. The back of Donghyuck’s eyes burn, and before he can stop himself, he’s setting the basket of food down and tugging Renjun back to him by his wrist, cupping his face and kissing him as hard as he can manage. 

To his credit, Renjun doesn’t miss a beat, throws his arms up around Donghyuck’s neck and responds in kind, sighing against his mouth. It always feels like heaven when he kisses Renjun, and truth be told, Donghyuck can’t remember when they last kissed like this. Like nothing else in the world mattered. Like his whole world was in his arms. 

Donghyuck slides closer, licking laguindly into Renjun’s mouth, feeling a rush of everything all at once - of joy, of simple content, of delight at feeling Renjun against him again, at hearing his noises as Donghyuck cups his waist, fingers brushing up the fabric, at feeling him like this, all at once, all over. Donghyuck doesn’t want to let go. 

When they part, his chest rises and falls unsteadily and he can’t tear his eyes away. Renjun’s gazing back at him, eyes alight, his lips kiss red. He’s so beautiful, Donghyuck feels as if he can’t breathe. The sea roars, rivalling the pounding of blood in his ears. 

“I love you,” Donghyuck breathes because it is true. No matter how far away Renjun has seemed in the last few months, no matter how much he has made Donghyuck hurt for him, Donghyuck will always love him, just like this, hard and aching, endless and endless and endless. “I love you so much, I feel-” he takes a shuddering breath, feeling punch drunk, like he could jump into the air and never come down, like he’s falling and falling all over again for the beautiful boy in front of him. “I love you, Jun-ah.” 

“I love you too,” Renjun whispers and his eyes are glossy all of a sudden. “I love you so, so much it scares me sometimes.” He leans up, pressing their foreheads together and Donghyuck’s eyes flutter shut. 

They stand there for what feels like hours, wrapped up in each other, simply drinking each other in, and something that had been hammering at the back of Donghyuck’s heart, frantic like a tiny bird eager to get out, goes quiet, goes calm, content for the first time in forever. 

They eat lunch spread out by the cliffside, drinking each other in, chatting quietly about things they’d missed, and it’s absolutely perfect. 

Until it starts to rain. 

Donghyuck feels the first spattering of rain as he’s reaching for the last bite of egg roll and he blinks up at the sky, which doesn’t look too dark or foreboding yet, so they don’t move. 

Then all of a sudden, it starts to pour. 

Renjun makes a shocked noise and Donghyuck glances up at him, meets his wide eyes, his food falling from his chopsticks harmlessly back into the box and then bursts out laughing. Renjun scrambles for the food and blankets, breaking out into giggles. Together they grab everything as fast as they can, laughing the whole time, before running back to the car, already well on the way to being soaked down to the bone. 

Donghyuck drops the food into the backseat and lunges for the passenger seat, slamming the door behind him. It’s absolutely no use. They stare at each other, completely soaked. Renjun’s hair is plastered to his forehead but he’s still laughing, hands clutching at the wheel to keep himself upright and Donghyuck can’t help but lean against the window and laugh and laugh. He’s never felt more alive.

The sound of the rain drums around them, encasing them in a bubble. 

Donghyuck’s never been more in love. 

Their clothes have nearly dried by the time they reach home, but it doesn’t stop Donghyuck from reaching for his sweater, yanking it off himself the second the door closes behind them. Renjun’s gaze feels like a brand and Donghyuck’s drawn to him, a helpless firefly caught in his dark, dark eyes. 

Renjun reaches for him and they stumble through the darkened apartment, the clouds hanging heavy over the evening sun outside, dimming the whole place down to shadows and want. Donghyuck just manages to urge the cats outside before he shuts the bedroom door behind them. Renjun’s fingers are hot, seeking over every inch of his chest, as if he hasn’t seen and felt every part of Donghyuck before. As if they don’t know each other intimately, inside out. 

It’s natural for Donghyuck to do this. To fall on the bed, Renjun beneath him. To run his hands over Renjun’s body as their clothes fall off, one by one by one, revealing more familiar skin, more familiar scars. To kiss Renjun like this, to drink in his every breath, his every gasp, his every sound, to take it all and memorise it so he never forgets it. To _love_ Renjun like this. It comes easier to him than breathing. 

Renjun makes the softest noise when Donghyuck presses into him, hands braced on either side of Renjun’s waist, fingers finding their familiar hold. Neither of them have looked away the whole time, staring at each other, like the world might end if they look away. Donghyuck opens his mouth to ask if he’s okay, to say anything, but Renjun shakes his head and he pulls Donghyuck to him, kissing the words back and Donghyuck understands. This silence that’s built around them, this world they’re encased, thin and shimmering like a bubble, is too fragile, too perfect to shatter with unnecessary things like words. 

It’s like remembering a favourite childhood memory, to feel Renjun around him when Donghyuck rocks into him, burying his face in the crook of Renjun’s neck, breathing him in and out, letting Renjun fill the air in his lungs. It feels so easy, innate like he was born to do this, to have Renjun in his arms, to hear his soft gasps spill straight into his ears, to hold him like this. 

Renjun’s hands find their way down Donghyuck’s chest, touching and roaming, over the lines of his ribs, down the knobs in his spine, up into his hair. Anchoring him to this spot on Earth, to this bed, with Renjun. Holding him down so he can’t float away. Kissing him again and again and again, until everything starts to diffuse out, watercolours bleeding out, spilling over the edge. 

They cling to each other, rocking slow and hard, every inch taken, given back in equal, perfect measure. Renjun gasps, thready and low, and Donghyuck revels in it, returns it, in soft pants, aching muscles, clutching hands. He presses his lips to the curve of Renjun’s neck and mouths something there, something only for Renjun to know, something only for Renjun to understand, something only for Renjun to keep. 

Everything falls away and Donghyuck goes willingly with Renjun still in his arms. 

The rain roars against the window.

Donghyuck blinks at Renjun. It feels as if he’s in the middle of the sea, just him and Renjun, anchored together, floating away on a dark wave.

Renjun’s hand is in his hair, stroking lazily, slowly. They haven’t looked away from each other. 

“Will you ever leave me?” Donghyuck whispers. He doesn’t mean for those to be the words that slipped out, but there they are, all of a sudden, hanging in the air between them. _Will you ever fall out of love with me?_ It’s what he should have asked. But it’s hard to utter that question when he’s just felt what he had. When they’ve shared what they just did.

Renjun doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t pull away. Keeps looking at Donghyuck, keeps holding him. “Never,” he says steadily and Donghyuck believes him. 

🌆

“Why the second date?” Donghyuck asks Renjun. 

They’re walking through the park early Sunday morning, and despite it being a weekend, the park is nearly empty. They’re walking down the back path which is covered by trees on either end, forming an arch over them, leaves falling down around them, fall in full swing. 

Renjun shrugs. “Why not?” He asks, reaching down to hold Donghyuck’s hand. “I can’t take you on a date?” 

“I mean, we usually don’t, not this formally anyway.”

“Formal is good sometimes,” Renjun says with a tiny smile. “Besides, last time kinda got cut short by the rain.”

“I’d say that was a fantastic date,” Donghyuck comments.

“Oh, it was,” Renjun agrees, with a mischievous smile. “That’s why I thought we should do it again.”

Donghyuck laughs, and tugs Renjun closer, tipping his head down so it rests gently atop Renjun’s. He waits for a beat before taking a breath. “Renjun.”

“Hmm?”

“I have a question for you.”

With how close they’re pressed, Donghyuck can feel the way Renjun tenses up and it sends something stabbing through him. “Okay,” Renjun says tentatively. 

“Renjun,” Donghyuck starts finally. “Why-”

“I know you know I’ve been lying to you,” Renjun says and Donghyuck stops in his tracks and stares at him. Renjun pulls away, their hands slipping apart and looks up at him steadily. “Jeno told me.”

Donghyuck’s eyes slip shut and he takes a breath, taking a step forward to prepare himself. This is it. “Renjun-”

“No, let me say this,” Renjun says and when Donghyuck turns around, Renjun’s standing there, his hand nervously fidgeting in his coat pocket. “Just let me- let me say this, let me get this out and then - then you can yell at me, you can brea- you can do whatever you want, okay?” 

Donghyuck stares at him. “I’m not going to break up with - Renjun, I wasn’t -” But Renjun just looks up at him and Donghyuck falters. “Okay,” he says quietly, expecting the worst. “Okay, say what you have to.” 

Renjun nods. “Okay.” He takes a breath. “Okay, here goes.”

There’s a beat and a golden leaf flutters down to land in between their feet.

“Do you remember when we bought that IKEA table?” Renjun asks him carefully and it hurts because Renjun isn’t supposed to be careful around him, that’s not the way they are around each other. They’re loud and brash and unfiltered. Not this. 

Renjun’s still waiting for his response and so Donghyuck nods. 

“Yeah,” Renjun sighs. “That table, you hated it _so_ much, but the next morning, do you remember? You were up before me, and when I woke up, I saw you sitting there trying to put it together, muttering to yourself about how you’d lost a nail, and you looked completely crazy and it was so funny to me.” A tiny smile plays along Renjun’s lips and Donghyuck unconsciously mirrors it, because he can recall everything Renjun’s saying in perfect detail. “But I knew then, standing right there, watching you put together that table you hated all for me, I knew _then_ that I…” A breath. “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck,” Renjun continues in a whisper, and Donghyuck takes a step forward, his heart hammering in his chest, unable to look away from him. “I love you so much, do you know that? I love you more that I can even _verbalise_ sometimes and it kills me because you deserve everything I have to give you, you deserve _more_ than I can give you, and somehow you’ve still stuck with me all these years, even after I’ve hidden things from you, even after I’ve hurt you - and I _know_ I have, don’t try to tell me different. I love you, even if you drive me up the wall every single day, because you make me a better person. You challenge me and push me, and every single time you argue with me, I feel like I’m a thousand times more alive than I’ve ever been because it’s _you…_ You - you complete me, I can’t imagine myself without you.” Renjun takes a shuddering breath. 

And - and Donghyuck just stares, his mind blank. He thinks he knows where this is going, there’s a wild hope in his chest but -

But Renjun’s talking again. “And I know, there isn’t any reason for you to forgive me because I fucking screwed it up when I lied to you, but _god_ , I wanted to do this the right way-”

“Do what the right way?” Donghyuck rasps out hoarsely, forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to talk, but his hammering heart, his foolish, loud heart, stops right then and there when Renjun pulls his hand out of his coat, and in it, sits a velvet box. 

“This is why I wasn’t home for the last five months,” Renjun says shakily. “I wanted to do this the right way because I love you and I wanted to ask you the right way. I knew from the day we went to IKEA and the day you set up that table for me, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make you happy for the rest of your life, and I want to be there for all the ups and downs and the fight we’ll have whenever you persuade me to get a dog because I _know_ you will, and I want to grow old with you, and be your strength, and- and kiss you for the rest of your life, and just _love_ you, if- if you’ll let me.” 

The world stops when Renjun opens the box and sinks down onto one knee, looking up at him, so steady and beautiful and lovely. “Lee Donghyuck, the love of my life, will you marry me?”

Donghyuck‘s breath freezes in his lungs, the tears finally spilling over, running down his cheeks. “Yes,” he sobs, heart bursting back into rhythm, pounding away, harder than ever, hard enough he can feel it in his fingertips. “Yes, yes, yes, I will, Renjun, of _course_ I will.”

Renjun gets to his feet, crying himself, and they’re both shaking so hard it takes Renjun several times to slide the ring onto Donghyuck’s finger before Donghyuck’s sweeping him up into a tight hug. He feels as if he’s floating away, high, high up above the Earth; only this time, Renjun’s there with him, clinging just as tight. “I love you so much,” Donghyuck whispers, voice breaking. He can feel Renjun’s tears soaking his shirt as they sway in a circle around and around, tightly holding on. “I can’t believe I didn’t even realise - I love you, Renjun-ah, so, so much.”

“I love you too,” Renjun murmurs thickly. He pulls away and Donghyuck chokes on a laugh when he sees Renjun’s hazy, teary eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted to get you the ring you deserve-” 

“It _was_ perfect,” Donghyck interrupts. “Because it was _you_. It was just perfect, god I _love_ you.”

Renjun hiccups, and he looks so beautiful Donghyuck can’t look away, doesn’t ever _want_ to look away. Doesn’t ever want to let go of him. “I don’t know why I was so afraid,” Renjun confesses, looking up at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck cups Renjun’s face, swiping gently at his cheeks with his thumbs. “Me neither,” he says softly. “My husband,” he tests out, heart soaring when Renjun smiles at the words. They feel so natural on his tongue and it fills Donghyuck with a nameless, unspeakable joy. “You’re going to be my husband.”

“And you’re going to be mine,” Renjun returns softly and Donghyuck laughs, hugging him tightly again, holding on, never wanting to let go. 

When they kiss, it feels like what Donghyuck has always felt with Renjun. 

It feels like coming home. 

**Author's Note:**

> spent the last few months crying about renhyuck getting married and here i am. there may be a sequel with renhyuck bickering all through the wedding planning in the future but don't hold me to that
> 
> please let me know if this made you as emotional as i was writing it, i need validation that i've not become soft ^^
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/_donghyuck_)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/thereisnoreality)


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